Frustrations of a Military Fiancee

One Month

2010-04-21T22:44:00.000-07:00

It seems like time has flown and now I am a month away of marrying the love of my life! I am excited, nervous, emotional, etc... I have put so much time into the planning of our wedding that I am nervous to see how it all plays out. I hope that everything goes smoothly and it turns out wonderful. If I could, I would hold my breath all the way from now till the end of the wedding hoping it all goes well. I'm going to try really hard not to cry, I'm sure it will happen anyways but I'm worried about the ceremony being able to be understood lol! One of my closest friends who is like my brother is performing the ceremony and I'm hoping that he can hold it together as well! I've designed the majority of the ceremony and the vow part is a tad long which is my only concern.
There is still stuff to do but I feel like it is slowly coming together and will be alright a month from now.

The other stress in my life beside wedding planning is my struggle with my career. I wish the economy was better and that there were not so many budget cuts going on. I would really like to have a job next year. Subbing helps pay the bills but it is also burning me out, I want my own classroom. I want to grow as a teacher and get my credential cleared. I think that if it doesn't happen this fall then I will be heading back to school to try to get my single subject in science. Sometimes I wonder if I should have become a teacher, I love working with kids and showing them new things, but I hate the politics of it.

This summer I am trying to get a job in a summer camp. I want to go back to working camp because it is so much fun. Instead of cramming curriculum down students throats you actually get to enjoy them and teach them things in a fun way. So hopefully I get something, otherwise I will be looking for any job I can get!

After the wedding Adam and I will be working on becoming debt free, it will take us awhile but hopefully we will get there sooner than later. I'm going to try to do my part by working as much as possible. The sooner we get debt free the sooner we can travel, start saving up our money, and then eventually have children. It will be nice to have my extra money go to debt instead of wedding expenses! Well I think that is all for now, will try to update more often!

Less than 100 days

2010-02-14T19:20:00.000-08:00

So we are less than 100 days from our wedding and of course my mind is just whirling with what needs to get done. Still on the list are wedding favors, name card holders, centerpieces and bridal gifts. I'm really hoping that I'm not forgetting anything major but we will see! I'm almost ready to send the invitations out, just need the stamps to do it. Other than wedding planning it seems like the weeks are busy with tutoring and going to the gym. Tutoring will end sometime in April so after the wedding life should slow down a lot and I will be able to focus more on my career and finding a teaching job or going back to school to get another credential. I think I will just have to be super determined to find a job and focus a lot on that. For now, wedding stuff is the main focus!

Updates

2010-01-26T21:23:00.001-08:00

Several things have been going on since my last post! First of all, there is less than four months left until the wedding so I have been getting excited, anxious, and stressed out because of all the planning left! Things seem to be coming along, but I'll give you an update later.
Adam's last day at his current command is Friday and next week he will start instructor school and then have more training after that. He is excited to move on and have new experiences in the Navy. He also got promoted to first class last month so we were both excited about that!
I have been busy subbing most days of this school year. I also recently picked up students to tutor, I now have four students, two in first and two in second that I will be tutoring for various amount of hours. I'm excited to actually make a difference in the lives of students since I don't have my own classroom yet.
Well I am completely exhausted and don't want to think anymore so I'll update more later!

November already!

2009-11-08T20:58:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe that it is November already! Things are busy as usual, I have been subbing day to day and trying to make it to the gym every weekday which can be a challenge. Things for the wedding are moving along, I have gotten accessories ordered and have set up a lot of appointments with vendors for when I am home later this month. We have a caterer chosen, just need to sign the contract. By the end of the month I should have a photographer, florist and a baker! Things are finally going to be coming together and I can check off some of the damn boxes on my theknot.com to do list!
I have started my holiday shopping already just so I can get it out of the way. I'm also thinking about starting my xmas cards. The more I do now, the less I will stress later is what I am thinking. That is my thinking for the wedding as well. Yes I know certain things can't be done until certain dates, but other things can get done, that way they are all ready to go. Well that is my blabbering on for now!

Something Accomplished!

2009-10-24T22:15:00.000-07:00

We mailed out our save the dates today! I'm so happy something is finally done! Too bad there is so much left to do for the wedding. Hopefully by the end of next week I will have a caterer and then by the end of next month I should have all the over vendors lined up! I want to order my tiara soon but Adam said I can't wear it around the house since it is part of my outfit, I'm not sure what to think of that. I think a girl should be able to feel like a princess whenever she wants!

On the career front, Adam is still awaiting orders, it has been over a month since he was accepted by the program but the paperwork seems to take awhile. I think it is crazy how much money the military wastes by it's communication problems! It's sad to see how our tax dollars are really being used. In regards to myself, I'm still subbing in the resource position for another week and have getting the following week booked up! I'm glad I'm such a popular substitute, if only I could have my own classroom!!! I hate getting attached to children that I don't get to work with constantly =(

Lots to do

2009-10-13T22:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, so Baltimore was fun and I really enjoyed meeting Adam's friends from long ago. Found out however that white wine can make you really sick if you drink too much of it! Who knew? Flying out the very next day was no fun for my hangover as well as the whole lack of sleep thing. I started a long term sub job that Monday as a special education resource specialist which will last the whole month of October. Basically I am pushing into general education classes to give support to students who receive resource. It has been a very interesting experience to see how other teachers run their classrooms as well as the challenges they face with inclusion and mainstreaming. Still wishing for my own classroom someday!
On another note, my save the dates for the wedding have arrived and I am on my way to addressing all the envelopes and getting them out in the mail hopefully soon! I still don't have a caterer confirmed but am hoping that by the end of November I will have all major vendors in place!
We are also in the process of getting ready for my parents visit on Thursday, my birthday and of course Halloween. I love Halloween because of candy and scaring children! We are making a graveyard in the front of the house and have put of lights and my giant spider already! Well I am off to bed!

Update

2009-09-28T17:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am back at work as a substitute. No luck finding my own classroom so far and I am losing hope as it gets to further into the year. It might be a good thing though since I am in the middle of planning a wedding and all. Also, that means we can go on a honeymoon right after the wedding so that is what I am hoping for. I have less than 8 months left until the wedding and I already feel like it has taken over my life. Who knew there was so much to do, think about and coordinate. I currently have my DJ booked, should be booking my caterer by the end of the week and am overwhelmed at trying to find a photographer. Some of the details are fun, but the whole money talk thing is not fun. I really need to get a second job, but really haven't found the time. This weekend we are flying out of town for a wedding in Baltimore. Hopefully, when we get back I can start really trying to find something. If only I could hook up with a tutoring company, that would be ideal. At least for the meantime I have been subbing since the second day of school and have kept busy for the most part. We found out a couple weeks ago that we will be staying in San Diego for the next three years so I'm hoping I will be able to get a classroom of my own and clear my credential before we have to move away. Umm, I think that is all for now, I will try to update more even though I'm not even sure anyone follows this!

Break time

2009-07-11T15:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I am official finished with my long term sub job with third graders! It was a crazy last week and I am so glad it is over. Last weekend we went up to Nor Cal for the holiday weekend and went to visit venues and have an Engagement BBQ. We did settle on a venue that is a beautiful place less than five miles from my parents house. We will be getting married May 22 next year so now all the planning begins. I had a great time at the BBQ catching up with old friends and visiting with everyone. I have a feeling it is going to be what my wedding will be like since I barely got a chance to eat food. The dogs had a great time running around while we were up there and Maple even stole a chicken leg from my uncle's hand. Bad Dog! Don't worry though, I did pry it out of her mouth before she could eat it since those are very bad for dogs.
Now that I am finished for now with school, it is on to finding some work and working on organizing the house since we have so much stuff! At least I get a break for now since we will be going back to New York in a couple weeks for a wedding!

Unbelievable

2009-06-20T23:38:00.001-07:00

So, I had to change the name of the blog since I am a fiance now as Adam reminds me. So I've discovered that 1) It is very challenging to plan a wedding in a town that you are not living in and 2) I am going to be an insane bride! I want things the way I want them and I really don't care to comprise. It's going to be our day so I think things should be the way I want them even though I wish we could just elope! For now I am just trying to get the venue nailed down so that way we can have a date settled on. We are hoping for the 15th of May next year since it would be the day before our four year anniversary but it really depends on the venue that we like. Things are so complicated that it is a wonder that people constantly go through this. I have already felt like researching things is kind of like doing homework so of course I procrastinate lol! I'm glad that I'm not taking a class right now or nothing would get done. I do have to say that it is cute how my third graders have acted. At first they wanted to know who was going to be their teacher once I went to get married. I told them that I wouldn't be getting married until next year so they had nothing to worry about. They all also want to be invited to the wedding although I won't know them at that time and it will be in northern California. It is kinda cute though how much they want to come! I have three weeks left with them and then I will be job hunting again since I won't be subbing until September. Hopefully I find something that I like to do! Well that is all for now!

Craziness!!!

2009-06-14T12:17:00.000-07:00

Well it has been awhile since I have updated. Adam got home the morning of May 16th which was our three-year anniversary so it was perfect. We went out to dinner that night and just spent a great time together. It seems like everything has fallen into place since he got home which is nice since I have been working a lot as a long term sub. Two weeks ago Adam proposed, he took me on a hike and proposed at the top of a mountain! It was so cute because he was so nervous even though he knew I would say yes. So now we have a wedding to plan on top of everything else. I'm sure everything will be just fine in the end. I'm looking forward to a honeymoon on white sandy beaches more than the wedding itself! So now I have teaching, planning our wedding as well as attending several weddings in the next year to look forward to. This has been the first weekend that we have been able to relax since Adam got home and that has been nice. The best part is enjoying each others company!

Soon!

2009-04-29T13:49:00.000-07:00

Adam is coming home in 15 days!!!! We found out earlier this week that he gets to come home a week early! I'm so nervous and feel like I have so much to do in order to make his homecoming perfect. Also, he will be home two days before our 3year anniversary which he was going to have to miss so I'm very happy about that. I can't wait to go to Joe's which is the restaurant where we had our first date and then walk along the beach to the spot where we had our first kiss. Last year we were on our spot as the sunset and it was so beautiful. I can't wait to be with him and have my best friend back! Anyways, that is all for now since I need to go give the dogs some much needed baths!

Getting There

2009-04-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

Around 33 days and Adam will be home finally!!! I wish I could speed up time and make him come home now! I just got back to San Diego on Tuesday after going home for ten days for spring break. The dogs and I had a great time visiting with family and playing on my parents property! It's nice to be back home where I don't have to worry about taking the dogs out since we have a doggie door. However, I do miss the company of my family and now find myself a bit lonely just hanging out with the dogs as always. I miss my best friend and I miss date night! I can't wait until Adam and I can cook dinner together again and just hang out with one another. It's hard to believe that this frustrating time period is almost over. It should be interesting to see how the dogs like Adam coming back into their lives, especially with Buster since he seems to think that he is the man of the house. Anyways, nothing else very exciting to report....

Thankful

2009-03-24T18:27:00.000-07:00

I am so glad we finally have less then two months left apart. It's like I've been in a long distance race and I can finally see the finish line. Time does seem to be dragging when I do wish it would speed up and bring Adam home! Less than two weeks of school left than there is spring break. I'm planning to go home and have some much needed family time for a lil over a week. I'm hoping I can pick up some jobs the second half of April since some of the traditional schools will be back in session. When schools go back in May I will be taking over a 3rd grade class for the rest of the year (three months). I'm a bit nervous and excited at the same time. Adam is coming home at the best time, I will need his support the most since I will have a lot to do for the class and then of course there are the crazy dogs. I've been having a difficult time with Buster since he's at least 85 pounds and I just don't know what to do anymore. He's extremely protective of me and thinks everyone else is a threat so I'm hoping that Adam coming home will make him realize it's ok to be a dog and not a constant protector. I learned my lesson and will never have two dogs around the same age again! They just feed off of each other and it is such a challenge to get them under control! I am so glad Adam will be home soon to share all this craziness! I just don't think I would keep my sanity much longer if he weren't coming home soon!

Tired

2009-03-17T20:02:00.000-07:00

Adam and I have a little over two months until he comes home and I just can't wait! I've been having dog issues yet again and at times I find them a little overwhelming. I can't wait to have my best friend here to help me. I'm so excited to finally be able to spend a summer with Adam since we haven't had one together since we first met. I will be working up until July but will hopefully have time on the weekends for outings. The month of August will be wonderful since we get to spend it together and will be going back east for one of Adam's cousins weddings. I am so excited that we are so close to being together again but I wish I could speed up time. I will be happy to get through the month of March since April will be slow and of course there is spring break which I am planning to travel home to visit my family. May will bring Adam as well as the challenge of a 3rd grade class that I will be subbing for until the end of July. Right now I feel like I am just trying to get through and hang on. I miss Adam and our closeness terribly but am happy that we are almost through with this misery...

Sunshine Through The Clouds

2009-03-03T22:19:00.000-08:00

So, the house is getting better. All the moldy carpet has been ripped out but has not been replaced yet so I cannot use that room and it echos and awful lot. Today was a good day! The 5th graders I had were fun to be with which made the day great! At the gym we took measurements and found out how many inches and where I lost them yay! I also got lovely flowers from my wonderful boyfriend which made me feel oh so loved! Today, Adam also found out he got the billet for survival training instructor here in San Diego. So this means we will be here for three more years at least which is good for both of our careers. We have 79 days left of deployment and I can't wait until Adam comes home. We are going to move to a nicer house, one we can hopefully stay in for the next three years. Anyways I just wanted to share my happy mood since they seem to be far and in between all the bad days! Yay for good days!!!

Challenges

2009-02-21T09:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I just want to quit. I want to pack up the dogs and just leave. I hate the house that I live in, it has had so many problems since we moved in that I am ready for a change. Too bad that change won't be happening until this fall. The room in the back of the house has had flooding problems during this wet season and the carpet cleaner is coming today. I have been moving out all the furniture and after I moved a bookcase, found that there is a mushroom growing in my carpet. Also, the bookcase that I moved had mold growing on the bottom of it. The house is in complete disarray right now and part of me just wants to leave it like this and not deal with it. The other part of me is screaming for order and everything in its place. These are the times when I think life would be so much easier if Adam were here. He would be helping with all the heavy moving and would know just what to do. I'm trying to hang on, less than three months until he gets home. I just have to keep my eye on the goal. I wish I could speed up time and just make this hardship come to an end. I miss him so badly sometimes I just don't know what to do. I think just getting the house and all our stuff organized will help, we have way to much stuff. When we move we need to purge and just get rid of stuff. The dogs have helped lately by destroying my cherished stuffed animals. Oh well....

Happiness

2009-02-08T23:47:00.001-08:00

Today is Adam's 25th birthday and it is sad that we cannot be together for it. I sent off his present last week and am hoping that he gets it soon. We are also passed our halfway point so yay!!! I cannot wait for him to get back, and we are getting so close, only 103 days to go! Maybe even less, depends on things of course with the military. Hopefully this week we will get to see orders that will be available. I'm not sure if we are going to chose right now or not because I am going to try to find a teaching job down here for next year. Adam has made me so happy lately, we've been talking about getting married a lot and he's even come up with how he wants to propose even though he won't tell me. We are hoping that maybe this fall will work for us and we can be married then. Should be interesting if I end up teaching in my first classroom as well as planning a wedding but we shall see. The anticipation for Adam coming home is starting to build, I just hope I can keep my patience. Well that is all for now since Adam is telling me that it is late and I must go to sleep!

Hard

2009-01-30T19:47:00.001-08:00

So we are about two days away from our halfway point in this deployment, finally! Tonight is one of those nights where I miss Adam from deep down inside, I just feel sadness deep down. I've been sick this week, which is no fun when you're a substitute and I want is one of his hugs. I think I just get sad sometimes. I wish that some of my good friends were down here. I don't feel like I have anyone to turn to down here. The people I see the most of are my dog park friends, sad huh? I know that everything will be alright as soon as Adam is back home for good, it's just getting there and keeping my sanity that is the difficult part.
I have been keeping busy with substituting though. It seem like ever since the year round schools have gone back from winter break, I have been constantly booked up. Yesterday I had kindergarten, which I normally don't like to sub for since it can be challenging. I had a little girl pee on the carpet while we were sitting doing math. I didn't even notice until another child pointed it out to me and then I figured out who was sitting there. The little girl didn't even tell me, I asked her why and she just stared at me blankly. The thing I do really like about kinder, is the singing songs and playing around, it is not as serious as all the other grades and the kids are so excited about school! Well that is all for now, I think it is time to watch Top Gun and wish my girls were here to watch it with me...

Emotions

2009-01-25T00:04:00.001-08:00

Being a military girlfriend is all about keeping your emotions in check. Since Adam has been gone I am constantly making sure that I appear as a strong female and act like I can handle anything that comes my way. Tonight I went to an engagement party of some friends of ours who started dated a couple months after we did. I am so happy for them and had a great time at their party. On the way home however (I shouldn't of driven I realize that now but what else was I to do) Alcohol and everything made me realize how much I miss Adam and how deeply it saddens me. I cried all the way home and for awhile once I got there. It is easy to put up a wall for everyone to make them believe that everything is just fine, but once that way breaks it is like a flood of emotions going on. I miss him so much. I miss sharing my life with him, having conversations, even just holding his hand. I would give anything to have him here with me right now so we could continue our life together. For the moment it feels like everything is on hold and I am just standing here waiting. I don't know what else to do.
There is a chance that Adam might deploy again this year, the thought makes my heart want to die. He would be home for about a month and then would have to leave again. I hate the military. If that ends up happening Adam and I will end up being apart for a year and half give or take a couple months. The thought makes me want to die with sadness. How much is a person supposed to be albe to handle? I like to think that I am a strong person but even I have a breaking point. Well those are my drunken rants tonight. Thank you and I must go cry myself to sleep.

Updates

2009-01-12T12:56:00.000-08:00

So it has been a little while since I have blogged. I guess I am just a procrastinator even with this! The holidays were hard to get through without Adam and I am so glad that they are over! Right now we are looking at different orders that Adam can get a hold of and will hopefully know where we are going (if we are going anywhere) by the 6th of February which is two days before Adam's birthday. I've had a nice break from substituting but am ready to go back just because I really need a paycheck to come. Things haven't been that busy since the year round schools have not gone back but hopefully it will pick up this week. Buster and I started obedience school two weeks ago and it seems to be going pretty well. He's also been doing well at the dog park with his shock collar on. We did have an incident at the beach this last Saturday but now that i know what sparks his aggressiveness I will be able to watch for it. I am getting a roommate later on this week to help out with finances. Things should work out ok, and it is only temporary. I just hope the dogs don't become too annoying since they seem to want to bark at everything for some reason now.

Challenges

2008-12-13T08:35:00.000-08:00

So life has certainly been a challenge while Adam is away. I miss him everyday still and wish so much that he could be here with me. It seems since he has been gone that there has been one challenge after another around here. Of course dog behavior has been a big one. I have had to muzzle Buster while at the dog park now. I recently got him a shock collar so will try to be training him with that. The dogs also decided to learn how to jump over the fence of the backyard so now I am planning on installing an electric fence.
Besides dealing with dogs I have been substituting a lot. I had 5th grade all week long and will do science lab at the same school next week. I'm glad for the steady work and hope it continues after the new year. I have also joined a gym and hoping to drop some weight and get better in shape before Adam comes home so we can go backpacking and hiking on our weekends.
Adam is currently up for orders and it's looking like if he doesn't get to be a survival training instructor then we will be moving to Ventura county in the middle of next year. Hopefully I will be able to find a teaching position there if we do end up moving.
Anyways, with the holidays surrounding me I can but wish for Adam's presence, I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness at least once a day where I wish he could be here more than anything. I will just be glad when he is home safe and sound next year and we can spend at least the next 3 years together without a deployment!

Single Dog Owner

2008-11-12T21:46:00.001-08:00

It is so hard being a single parent to our two dogs right now. They are just so much work it is stressful sometimes. Adam is the disciplinarian of the household and it is hard for me to step into his shoes. Buster has become more and more out of control. I used to take them to the dog park to play everyday but now he is getting aggressive towards small dogs and puppies so we will only be going every other day. I decided to take them each on a walk the days that we don't go since they both need work walking on a lease, especially Buster. Sometimes I just wish the dogs would behave, I'm getting sick of coming home to a disaster in the porch. Last week they got into a math set that I had won at the math conference earlier this year. That upset me a lot since they destroyed a lot of it and ate plastic money! Buster and I will be going to obedience school after the new year so hopefully that will help. I can't wait until Adam comes home. I know we're not even half way yet but I miss him more and more everyday!

Gone

2008-10-26T23:24:00.000-07:00

I had to leave Adam in Virginia to come back to San Diego. The original idea was that we would both be leaving the same day, me for SD and him for Iraq but of course it is the military and he got postponed a day. Saying goodbye to him at the airport was one of the hardest things, I didn't want to let go of his hug. Walking through the airport and going through security I couldn't help the tears falling from my eyes. I did pretty well the rest of the time but lost it again as we were getting ready to land in SD and knowing that Adam wasn't there waiting for me and wouldn't be there anytime soon. We got to talk when I got home and I got to tell him about all the destruction the dogs did while we were away. I also got to talk to him most of the next day, and then it was time for him to board his plane so we said goodbye.

I was doing alright the day after Adam left because I was substituting Kindergarten and everyone knows how much energy that can take! The part that was the hardest was going home and not even being able to call him to tell him about my day. I didn't hear from him the next day either, but I was doing well. No anxiety attacks so far this time that he has left, guess that means I am getting used to living by myself. This morning however I woke up stressed out and frustrated that I hadn't heard from him. I was starting to worry more when the phone rang and of course it was him! He had traveled to Kuwait and then Iraq right away instead of having a few days in Kuwait like originally planned. It was so nice to get to talk to him but it made me miss him more. I wish he were here with me and this time he isn't just across the country. I have to think ten hours ahead instead of just three!

Saying Goodbye

2008-10-21T20:12:00.000-07:00

I think that the week before a deployment are the worst days. Constantly at the back of my mind I am thinking that we only have x amount of days left together, or this will be the last time we do this until he gets back. I try not to think about these things as I am trying to hold myself together. I am sad that Adam is leaving and wish he could stay but I know he has to go. I've been trying to restrain myself from asking him not to go since I know he has to and I know it hurts him when I ask that. So far we have had a wonderful week together. We have had fun in Virginia Beach and went up to Delaware for my birthday last weekend. It was great seeing Adam's family again and playing with his nephew and niece. It was also fun seeing more of the east coast since I've never driven through Virginia and Maryland before, I'll post pictures soon. I'm dreading saying goodbye to Adam especially since he'll be dropping me off at the airport and I'll have to wait around for my flight knowing that he is only so many minutes away. I just want to get to the comfort of our house and our dogs so I can have a good cry and feel better.

Off to Virginia

2008-10-13T23:53:00.000-07:00

It is almost midnight and early tomorrow morning Adam and I will be off to Virginia. It is time for Adam to report back to the command on the east coast and I am going with him. I'm going to stay with him until he deploys which I can't tell you when that is. I'm happy to go get to spend this time with him even though it puts me on an emotional roller coaster. I'll try to enjoy the time with him but it's hard not to think that soon we will be apart. I keep telling him that I wish he could stay and didn't have to go which I know is not making things easy on him. Hopefully I will be able to keep it together until he is gone. Last time he left I broke down the night before and couldn't stop crying. It is hard playing the strong military girlfriend role.
So this weekend is also my birthday and we will be going up to Delaware to spend the weekend with Adam's family. I'm so excited to see his new baby niece and to play with his little nephew. Adam already gave me my present, he was so excited he couldn't wait. He got me a promise ring which symbolizes that someday we will get engaged. I'm hoping for next year but we will see!
I'm so excited to go and get a break from subbing but at the same time I am feeling like a worried mother when I think about leaving the dogs. I have someone feeding them, taking them to the dog park, left all the emergency numbers and all that lol! They are my children and I am going to be a worried mommy, I can't help it. At least I won't have to leave them until next May or June once I get home. Anyways that is all for now!

Together

2008-09-28T20:37:00.000-07:00

Adam has been home now for about a week and it has made such a difference. It is nice not having to do everything all by myself all the time. I have been subbing while Adam is here just because I still need to have income lol! On the 14th we will be heading back east to Virginia and then for my birthday weekend we will be up in Delaware with Adam's family so that he can see them before he leaves on deployment. On a sad note I did hear from a girl last week identifying that she had seen Maggie dead from being hit by a car. She was a wonderful cat and my best friend since I moved down to San Diego, she will be missed terribly...

Navy Craziness

2008-09-20T15:44:00.001-07:00

So, the plan has been that Adam would be in training the next two weeks, come home on leave until the twenty something of October, return to Virginia with me and then him leave on deployment early November. Well yesterday he found out that he is in advanced party which means he gets to deploy before the whole command in order to go over and help the transition from one command to the other go smoothly. So what that means for me is that Adam is coming home on Monday! I am so happy that he is coming home even though I have to work four days next week. He will be here probably until the 14th since he has to report to work in Virginia on the 15th. I will hopefully go back to Virginia with him and get to spend my birthday with him since he missed last year due to being in Kuwait. I'm hoping to be back there until he deploys which will be sometime before November. So this meant that I had to tell my parents that they needed to change their flight because they were supposed to come down here for my birthday weekend but now since I won't be here they obviously won't. So anyways, I love the military for their lack of communication and consideration grrrr. It will be nice to have Adam home so soon to help with the doggies, I just feel bad that he won't get to see Maggie again since she is still missing =(

Children, Cat, and Dogs

2008-09-16T00:05:00.000-07:00

So, after Adam left I had gotten back into my old routine of not really doing anything until last week. I finally started getting sub jobs for San Diego Unified school district. I determined how to work their system since I am not high on the sub list. I worked Thursday and Friday last week which was a learning experience.
Thursday I had Kindergarten for the first time and may I just say that I am not a Kindergarten teacher. There were only 16 of them but it took all my energy to get them focused for just a minute. We had to take bathroom breaks every hour since most of the students are not used to school and we wanted to avoid having accidents. I also found out that they love to play in bathrooms. I discovered the little boys playing and splashing around in the water at the bottom of the urinals (can we say disgusting?) Anyways, I was exhausted by the time I got home and don't really remember much of that night.
Friday was better, I had a third grade class that was totally self sufficient and just knew how to function. Today I also had a third grade class, they weren't as well put together but were still a good group of kids. Tomorrow I have a split day between Kinder and first so we will see how that goes.
So the strange thing about Friday morning was that Maggie was not in her room (the room shut off from the dogs) to get her breakfast. I was a bit worried but figured she just had gone outside already. I felt bad because I had to shut the doggy door off so the dogs wouldn't come into the house while I was gone. I got home and didn't see her but thought it was because the dogs were around. I took the dogs to the park hoping to give Maggie some time to get into the house but once we got back, no Maggie. At this point I got very worried and cried all night about her being missing. The next day I posted on craigslist and put flyers up around the neighborhood. I had some guy call me at 11pm and tell me that he had my cat. I was arranging a place to meet him when he started asking me all these random questions like if I were single. Eventually he confessed that he was just joking with me and called me as a prank and that he didn't have my cat. Of course this sent me into more tears since my heart had soared at the thought of getting her back. What kind of people do things like that? I couldn't believe it. I am still waiting for Maggie to come home but as each day passes I lose a little bit more hope. I hope she is ok, but if she has passed I hope she is in heaven, if there is such a thing for cats...

Alone Again...

2008-09-08T00:39:00.001-07:00

It was so nice having Adam home for labor day weekend. It was a nice reminder of what life is like when we're together and a team. I also realized how I hadn't really laughed since he was gone. It was nice being able to joke around, smile, and just enjoy being in love. We spent time running errands and of course time with the pets. We took the two dogs to the dark park as well as the beach. Buster fell in love with Adam and wanted to jump in his lap the first night he was home. Adam of course spoiled me by buying me new running shoes, taking me on a trip to the commissary and taking me out for a really nice dinner downtown. Monday night his flight left around 9:30 and it was awful going to the airport. It was hard not to cry and a few tears snuck out. I just wonder if it ever gets any easier to say goodbye. Of course on my way home I cried and cried wishing that he were still here with me. It was so nice to see Adam, but it was such a tease and I wish he could just stay here with me all the time. It only took me a few days to get back into a routine of Adam being around. I've been working a lot with Buster since he seems to like to play tug with the lease when I try to walk him. Hopefully I'll get some sub jobs soon so I'll get out of the house. Adam should be back in about a month for a couple weeks so I'm counting down the days already....

So excited!

2008-08-28T01:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, less than 48 hours until Adam comes home! I am so excited and don't know how I am going to sleep tonight or tomorrow night! I have been working around the house to make everything all nice and pretty for him so he won't feel like he needs to do anything (except weed whacking). I've been trying to figure out what to wear to go meet him in and I just haven't been able to decide if I should be casual or doll myself up lol! Anyways just wanted to share my excitement!!!!

YAY!

2008-08-24T02:00:00.000-07:00

So, it's official, Adam is coming home next weekend to visit! I am so happy that he is able to come visit but I am nervous at the same time. It will have been three months and we only have the weekend so I want everything to go smoothly. It's going to be hard knowing that we have this timer ticking down. Its going to make me not even want to sleep. I hope that he will like Buster and that Buster will like him. Today, I took Buster out front to go potty and he barked a lot at the neighbor. Hopefully I can get him to stop that habit. He is still healing which is difficult because he is licking himself even with the cone around his head. I"m trying to watch him like a hawk but it is difficult when I am trying to get things done.

On another note, there doesn't seem to be any teaching jobs in the county which is so frustrating! I finally have my credential in hand but can't be a teacher! I am going to be a substitute for a couple districts since I can't find a job. It actually might work out better that way I can be there in May when Adam comes back from deployment. I just hope that I will have a job next school year and not become one of those people that is constantly subbing and never gets their own classroom!

Changes

2008-08-22T00:44:00.000-07:00

So this morning I woke up in pain from the sun burn I seem to have all over my body! I went to the beach with one of my friends yesterday and yes I put sunscreen on but no I did not reapply after going in the water. Now I am paying for that mistake since most of my body is red! So if you go to the beach...don't forget your sunscreen and reapply!

On another note I just got Buster today, he is the dog that I took to the animal shelter last week. I'm so happy to have him yet scared at the same time. Last time we got a dog Adam was here and took charge of the situation. Now it is up to me and thats a bit scary! He got neutered today so he has to stay quiet and not play for a week which is awful for a young dog. Maple and him want to play together but are separated by a cage. Maple also missed going to the dog park and I'm not sure when she will get back there so she probably won't be a happy camper either. Thats it for now, will write soon about the finding a job situation!

Insomnia

2008-08-16T01:16:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to sleep anymore, or not until it's late. I lead a very boring life at the moment, since I am not working and it is driving me crazy. I can't wait to have that being challenged feeling again. I am trying to find a job, but there isn't a whole lot out there right now in the world of teaching. I am however going to get another dog tomorrow. A male pit bull was trying to get into my yard earlier this week to play with my dog. He was a sweet dog but I took him to the shelter in case his owners were trying to find him. It was the worst feeling leaving this happy doggie at the shelter. I'm going back for him tomorrow. He hasn't been claimed and will be adoptable tomorrow. I'm nervous to have two dogs to handle while Adam is not here, but it was meant to be. The doggie, to be named Buster, found me and I will not let him down.

So Adam may be coming to visit Labor day weekend. He may have a four day weekend and so would fly out. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much but they kinda already are. By that time he will have been gone for three months so hopefully we will get a short time together. If he does come however, I don't know how I'll be able to let him leave....

Losing my mind

2008-08-05T23:30:00.001-07:00

So Adam found out today that after he completes his training in North Carolina on Friday he will start another round of training on Monday somewhere in Virginia. He will be there until September 19th. So this means that I will not get to see him in a couple weeks like we hoped. It makes me so sad inside. I kept telling myself that all I had to do was to get through until August and then I would get to see him again but no. I have been looking for a job but only half heartedly because I didn't want anything to interfere with seeing him. I'm going to look for a job more forcefully now. I've been living alone with the pets since getting back to San Diego on Sunday and I must say it takes some getting used to. Being alone makes it so easier to be depressed and cry more often especailly at night when I go to bed alone. I'm trying to get my days into a routine but it has proved challenging since it has been so hot during the day that all I want to do is sleep. I'm going to mow the lawn tomorrow, I've been trying to tackle this for the past few days but keep running into obsticles. Hopefully everything works out, it's hard doing Adam's household jobs. However, I am scared of the weed wacker so I don't think I'll be doing that. Oh well I should try to get some sleep now since my routine is supposed to start at 6 lol!

Home

2008-07-28T23:03:00.000-07:00

I am up in Northern California until Sunday for my friends wedding. I spent the weekend in Tahoe and Reno partying it up with the girls. I had a great time considering I haven't been out in forever because of my teaching program. I did get a bit sunburned and have a nice white bow from my bathing suit on my back. I got to talk to Adam today for about an hour which was nice. Sometimes I get so frustrated talking to him because the signal is so bad that I have to have him repeat what he said several times. Today was nice because the signal was good so we could actually have a conversation. I told him how our puppy is being destructive again from the reports I got from the pet sitter. I think she just misses both of us. I told him how I can't wait to get home and see her again to which he responded that it wasn't fair. He misses his babies too which I think is so adorable. I do miss his help with disciplining the puppy since I am the "nice one" it is hard for me to be mean sometimes. Today I was talking with my girlfriends on the way back home and one of them asked me if I think Adam is the one. I told her yes because he is the best friend that I have ever had and he knows me. I know all of his secrets and he knows all of mine. We read each others minds and are so silly that we always have a good time together. It made me miss him more and I hope more than anything that I will get to see him soon.

Concert

2008-07-20T00:54:00.000-07:00

So my credential program is officially over, but I am planning on going back on Monday for my class's promotion ceremony. Tonight Jess and I went to a country concert up in Oceanside. It had a variety of artists and I had a good time. However, what I noticed the most were all the couples. Seeing them together just made me miss Adam. Adam and I have only gotten to spend one summer together and it was when we first met. We spent the summer in my apartment in Pacific Beach. Looking back on that time are some of my fondest memories and sometimes I ask myself why. I think it's because we haven't gotten to make new summer memories together. This year we were supposed to go backpacking, camping, more surfing, concerts, etc. Thats not going to happen now so I have to hold on to my old memories while I wait for a time where we can make new ones. I can't wait to take him to a country concert, I'll make him wear a cowboy hat and everything! What I can't wait for the most is wrapping up in his arms when it gets cold in the evening and just being close. The problem with country concerts is that there are so many love songs that you just want your man there now. I know it will happen soon I just with I could make him come home now!

Communication

2008-07-17T06:30:00.000-07:00

Waking of this morning I felt sad right away because I remembered that I wouldn't get to talk to Adam today. He is in the field for a gun shoot and wasn't going to bring his phone because it is supposed to rain. Today should be so exciting because I have three days left with my fifth graders but I am sad instead. I check myself, make sure to hold my tears in and go on with getting dressed for the day....

Apart Again

2008-07-16T23:02:00.000-07:00

First, let me tell you the story of Adam of I. We met unbelievably on craigslist of all places. He had posted in the platonic section looking for a cuddle buddy. At that time in my life I had just had a huge fight with a close friend while all my other local friends were leaving the area and the current guy in my life had no time for me. I felt alone and was not too happy with life. Adam was there for me and didn't even know me. We met on the boardwalk one night and haven't been apart since...except for deployment. Adam was deployed to Kuwait last year from May until November. I missed him but things weren't so bad. I moved home with my family which helped tremendously and time flew by and he was home again. We had to get all settled again down here in San Diego, found a place to live, moved the cat in, got a puppy. I started school this January for my teaching credential and am just about finished. Things were going well until Adam was temporarily loaned out to a unit on the east coast that will be deployed to Iraq this fall. He had to leave at the beginning of June to go back east to start training. I of course could not go with him since I am finishing up school and have our life here to take care of. It is frustrating being the one left behind, continuing with the life you share while the other is off having new adventures. Some days I feel like I am just trying to survive, feed the pets, try to clean something, maybe get some sleep. Even though he is just on the east coast I feel Adam's being away deeper this time. Some days I feel like I am losing my mind and just crave a hug from him. He's not just my boyfriend but he is my best friend too and having him away is just a lonely business. Well that is all for tonight.