Emotions

Being a military girlfriend is all about keeping your emotions in check. Since Adam has been gone I am constantly making sure that I appear as a strong female and act like I can handle anything that comes my way. Tonight I went to an engagement party of some friends of ours who started dated a couple months after we did. I am so happy for them and had a great time at their party. On the way home however (I shouldn't of driven I realize that now but what else was I to do) Alcohol and everything made me realize how much I miss Adam and how deeply it saddens me. I cried all the way home and for awhile once I got there. It is easy to put up a wall for everyone to make them believe that everything is just fine, but once that way breaks it is like a flood of emotions going on. I miss him so much. I miss sharing my life with him, having conversations, even just holding his hand. I would give anything to have him here with me right now so we could continue our life together. For the moment it feels like everything is on hold and I am just standing here waiting. I don't know what else to do.
There is a chance that Adam might deploy again this year, the thought makes my heart want to die. He would be home for about a month and then would have to leave again. I hate the military. If that ends up happening Adam and I will end up being apart for a year and half give or take a couple months. The thought makes me want to die with sadness. How much is a person supposed to be albe to handle? I like to think that I am a strong person but even I have a breaking point. Well those are my drunken rants tonight. Thank you and I must go cry myself to sleep.