Challenges

So life has certainly been a challenge while Adam is away. I miss him everyday still and wish so much that he could be here with me. It seems since he has been gone that there has been one challenge after another around here. Of course dog behavior has been a big one. I have had to muzzle Buster while at the dog park now. I recently got him a shock collar so will try to be training him with that. The dogs also decided to learn how to jump over the fence of the backyard so now I am planning on installing an electric fence.
Besides dealing with dogs I have been substituting a lot. I had 5th grade all week long and will do science lab at the same school next week. I'm glad for the steady work and hope it continues after the new year. I have also joined a gym and hoping to drop some weight and get better in shape before Adam comes home so we can go backpacking and hiking on our weekends.
Adam is currently up for orders and it's looking like if he doesn't get to be a survival training instructor then we will be moving to Ventura county in the middle of next year. Hopefully I will be able to find a teaching position there if we do end up moving.
Anyways, with the holidays surrounding me I can but wish for Adam's presence, I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness at least once a day where I wish he could be here more than anything. I will just be glad when he is home safe and sound next year and we can spend at least the next 3 years together without a deployment!

Single Dog Owner

It is so hard being a single parent to our two dogs right now. They are just so much work it is stressful sometimes. Adam is the disciplinarian of the household and it is hard for me to step into his shoes. Buster has become more and more out of control. I used to take them to the dog park to play everyday but now he is getting aggressive towards small dogs and puppies so we will only be going every other day. I decided to take them each on a walk the days that we don't go since they both need work walking on a lease, especially Buster. Sometimes I just wish the dogs would behave, I'm getting sick of coming home to a disaster in the porch. Last week they got into a math set that I had won at the math conference earlier this year. That upset me a lot since they destroyed a lot of it and ate plastic money! Buster and I will be going to obedience school after the new year so hopefully that will help. I can't wait until Adam comes home. I know we're not even half way yet but I miss him more and more everyday!

Gone

I had to leave Adam in Virginia to come back to San Diego. The original idea was that we would both be leaving the same day, me for SD and him for Iraq but of course it is the military and he got postponed a day. Saying goodbye to him at the airport was one of the hardest things, I didn't want to let go of his hug. Walking through the airport and going through security I couldn't help the tears falling from my eyes. I did pretty well the rest of the time but lost it again as we were getting ready to land in SD and knowing that Adam wasn't there waiting for me and wouldn't be there anytime soon. We got to talk when I got home and I got to tell him about all the destruction the dogs did while we were away. I also got to talk to him most of the next day, and then it was time for him to board his plane so we said goodbye.

I was doing alright the day after Adam left because I was substituting Kindergarten and everyone knows how much energy that can take! The part that was the hardest was going home and not even being able to call him to tell him about my day. I didn't hear from him the next day either, but I was doing well. No anxiety attacks so far this time that he has left, guess that means I am getting used to living by myself. This morning however I woke up stressed out and frustrated that I hadn't heard from him. I was starting to worry more when the phone rang and of course it was him! He had traveled to Kuwait and then Iraq right away instead of having a few days in Kuwait like originally planned. It was so nice to get to talk to him but it made me miss him more. I wish he were here with me and this time he isn't just across the country. I have to think ten hours ahead instead of just three!

Saying Goodbye

I think that the week before a deployment are the worst days. Constantly at the back of my mind I am thinking that we only have x amount of days left together, or this will be the last time we do this until he gets back. I try not to think about these things as I am trying to hold myself together. I am sad that Adam is leaving and wish he could stay but I know he has to go. I've been trying to restrain myself from asking him not to go since I know he has to and I know it hurts him when I ask that. So far we have had a wonderful week together. We have had fun in Virginia Beach and went up to Delaware for my birthday last weekend. It was great seeing Adam's family again and playing with his nephew and niece. It was also fun seeing more of the east coast since I've never driven through Virginia and Maryland before, I'll post pictures soon. I'm dreading saying goodbye to Adam especially since he'll be dropping me off at the airport and I'll have to wait around for my flight knowing that he is only so many minutes away. I just want to get to the comfort of our house and our dogs so I can have a good cry and feel better.

Off to Virginia

It is almost midnight and early tomorrow morning Adam and I will be off to Virginia. It is time for Adam to report back to the command on the east coast and I am going with him. I'm going to stay with him until he deploys which I can't tell you when that is. I'm happy to go get to spend this time with him even though it puts me on an emotional roller coaster. I'll try to enjoy the time with him but it's hard not to think that soon we will be apart. I keep telling him that I wish he could stay and didn't have to go which I know is not making things easy on him. Hopefully I will be able to keep it together until he is gone. Last time he left I broke down the night before and couldn't stop crying. It is hard playing the strong military girlfriend role.
So this weekend is also my birthday and we will be going up to Delaware to spend the weekend with Adam's family. I'm so excited to see his new baby niece and to play with his little nephew. Adam already gave me my present, he was so excited he couldn't wait. He got me a promise ring which symbolizes that someday we will get engaged. I'm hoping for next year but we will see!
I'm so excited to go and get a break from subbing but at the same time I am feeling like a worried mother when I think about leaving the dogs. I have someone feeding them, taking them to the dog park, left all the emergency numbers and all that lol! They are my children and I am going to be a worried mommy, I can't help it. At least I won't have to leave them until next May or June once I get home. Anyways that is all for now!

Together

Adam has been home now for about a week and it has made such a difference. It is nice not having to do everything all by myself all the time. I have been subbing while Adam is here just because I still need to have income lol! On the 14th we will be heading back east to Virginia and then for my birthday weekend we will be up in Delaware with Adam's family so that he can see them before he leaves on deployment. On a sad note I did hear from a girl last week identifying that she had seen Maggie dead from being hit by a car. She was a wonderful cat and my best friend since I moved down to San Diego, she will be missed terribly...

Navy Craziness

So, the plan has been that Adam would be in training the next two weeks, come home on leave until the twenty something of October, return to Virginia with me and then him leave on deployment early November. Well yesterday he found out that he is in advanced party which means he gets to deploy before the whole command in order to go over and help the transition from one command to the other go smoothly. So what that means for me is that Adam is coming home on Monday! I am so happy that he is coming home even though I have to work four days next week. He will be here probably until the 14th since he has to report to work in Virginia on the 15th. I will hopefully go back to Virginia with him and get to spend my birthday with him since he missed last year due to being in Kuwait. I'm hoping to be back there until he deploys which will be sometime before November. So this meant that I had to tell my parents that they needed to change their flight because they were supposed to come down here for my birthday weekend but now since I won't be here they obviously won't. So anyways, I love the military for their lack of communication and consideration grrrr. It will be nice to have Adam home so soon to help with the doggies, I just feel bad that he won't get to see Maggie again since she is still missing =(

Children, Cat, and Dogs

So, after Adam left I had gotten back into my old routine of not really doing anything until last week. I finally started getting sub jobs for San Diego Unified school district. I determined how to work their system since I am not high on the sub list. I worked Thursday and Friday last week which was a learning experience.
Thursday I had Kindergarten for the first time and may I just say that I am not a Kindergarten teacher. There were only 16 of them but it took all my energy to get them focused for just a minute. We had to take bathroom breaks every hour since most of the students are not used to school and we wanted to avoid having accidents. I also found out that they love to play in bathrooms. I discovered the little boys playing and splashing around in the water at the bottom of the urinals (can we say disgusting?) Anyways, I was exhausted by the time I got home and don't really remember much of that night.
Friday was better, I had a third grade class that was totally self sufficient and just knew how to function. Today I also had a third grade class, they weren't as well put together but were still a good group of kids. Tomorrow I have a split day between Kinder and first so we will see how that goes.
So the strange thing about Friday morning was that Maggie was not in her room (the room shut off from the dogs) to get her breakfast. I was a bit worried but figured she just had gone outside already. I felt bad because I had to shut the doggy door off so the dogs wouldn't come into the house while I was gone. I got home and didn't see her but thought it was because the dogs were around. I took the dogs to the park hoping to give Maggie some time to get into the house but once we got back, no Maggie. At this point I got very worried and cried all night about her being missing. The next day I posted on craigslist and put flyers up around the neighborhood. I had some guy call me at 11pm and tell me that he had my cat. I was arranging a place to meet him when he started asking me all these random questions like if I were single. Eventually he confessed that he was just joking with me and called me as a prank and that he didn't have my cat. Of course this sent me into more tears since my heart had soared at the thought of getting her back. What kind of people do things like that? I couldn't believe it. I am still waiting for Maggie to come home but as each day passes I lose a little bit more hope. I hope she is ok, but if she has passed I hope she is in heaven, if there is such a thing for cats...

Alone Again...

It was so nice having Adam home for labor day weekend. It was a nice reminder of what life is like when we're together and a team. I also realized how I hadn't really laughed since he was gone. It was nice being able to joke around, smile, and just enjoy being in love. We spent time running errands and of course time with the pets. We took the two dogs to the dark park as well as the beach. Buster fell in love with Adam and wanted to jump in his lap the first night he was home. Adam of course spoiled me by buying me new running shoes, taking me on a trip to the commissary and taking me out for a really nice dinner downtown. Monday night his flight left around 9:30 and it was awful going to the airport. It was hard not to cry and a few tears snuck out. I just wonder if it ever gets any easier to say goodbye. Of course on my way home I cried and cried wishing that he were still here with me. It was so nice to see Adam, but it was such a tease and I wish he could just stay here with me all the time. It only took me a few days to get back into a routine of Adam being around. I've been working a lot with Buster since he seems to like to play tug with the lease when I try to walk him. Hopefully I'll get some sub jobs soon so I'll get out of the house. Adam should be back in about a month for a couple weeks so I'm counting down the days already....

So excited!

Okay, less than 48 hours until Adam comes home! I am so excited and don't know how I am going to sleep tonight or tomorrow night! I have been working around the house to make everything all nice and pretty for him so he won't feel like he needs to do anything (except weed whacking). I've been trying to figure out what to wear to go meet him in and I just haven't been able to decide if I should be casual or doll myself up lol! Anyways just wanted to share my excitement!!!!

YAY!

So, it's official, Adam is coming home next weekend to visit! I am so happy that he is able to come visit but I am nervous at the same time. It will have been three months and we only have the weekend so I want everything to go smoothly. It's going to be hard knowing that we have this timer ticking down. Its going to make me not even want to sleep. I hope that he will like Buster and that Buster will like him. Today, I took Buster out front to go potty and he barked a lot at the neighbor. Hopefully I can get him to stop that habit. He is still healing which is difficult because he is licking himself even with the cone around his head. I"m trying to watch him like a hawk but it is difficult when I am trying to get things done.

On another note, there doesn't seem to be any teaching jobs in the county which is so frustrating! I finally have my credential in hand but can't be a teacher! I am going to be a substitute for a couple districts since I can't find a job. It actually might work out better that way I can be there in May when Adam comes back from deployment. I just hope that I will have a job next school year and not become one of those people that is constantly subbing and never gets their own classroom!

Changes

So this morning I woke up in pain from the sun burn I seem to have all over my body! I went to the beach with one of my friends yesterday and yes I put sunscreen on but no I did not reapply after going in the water. Now I am paying for that mistake since most of my body is red! So if you go to the beach...don't forget your sunscreen and reapply!

On another note I just got Buster today, he is the dog that I took to the animal shelter last week. I'm so happy to have him yet scared at the same time. Last time we got a dog Adam was here and took charge of the situation. Now it is up to me and thats a bit scary! He got neutered today so he has to stay quiet and not play for a week which is awful for a young dog. Maple and him want to play together but are separated by a cage. Maple also missed going to the dog park and I'm not sure when she will get back there so she probably won't be a happy camper either. Thats it for now, will write soon about the finding a job situation!

Insomnia

I can't seem to sleep anymore, or not until it's late. I lead a very boring life at the moment, since I am not working and it is driving me crazy. I can't wait to have that being challenged feeling again. I am trying to find a job, but there isn't a whole lot out there right now in the world of teaching. I am however going to get another dog tomorrow. A male pit bull was trying to get into my yard earlier this week to play with my dog. He was a sweet dog but I took him to the shelter in case his owners were trying to find him. It was the worst feeling leaving this happy doggie at the shelter. I'm going back for him tomorrow. He hasn't been claimed and will be adoptable tomorrow. I'm nervous to have two dogs to handle while Adam is not here, but it was meant to be. The doggie, to be named Buster, found me and I will not let him down.

So Adam may be coming to visit Labor day weekend. He may have a four day weekend and so would fly out. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much but they kinda already are. By that time he will have been gone for three months so hopefully we will get a short time together. If he does come however, I don't know how I'll be able to let him leave....

Losing my mind

So Adam found out today that after he completes his training in North Carolina on Friday he will start another round of training on Monday somewhere in Virginia. He will be there until September 19th. So this means that I will not get to see him in a couple weeks like we hoped. It makes me so sad inside. I kept telling myself that all I had to do was to get through until August and then I would get to see him again but no. I have been looking for a job but only half heartedly because I didn't want anything to interfere with seeing him. I'm going to look for a job more forcefully now. I've been living alone with the pets since getting back to San Diego on Sunday and I must say it takes some getting used to. Being alone makes it so easier to be depressed and cry more often especailly at night when I go to bed alone. I'm trying to get my days into a routine but it has proved challenging since it has been so hot during the day that all I want to do is sleep. I'm going to mow the lawn tomorrow, I've been trying to tackle this for the past few days but keep running into obsticles. Hopefully everything works out, it's hard doing Adam's household jobs. However, I am scared of the weed wacker so I don't think I'll be doing that. Oh well I should try to get some sleep now since my routine is supposed to start at 6 lol!

Home

I am up in Northern California until Sunday for my friends wedding. I spent the weekend in Tahoe and Reno partying it up with the girls. I had a great time considering I haven't been out in forever because of my teaching program. I did get a bit sunburned and have a nice white bow from my bathing suit on my back. I got to talk to Adam today for about an hour which was nice. Sometimes I get so frustrated talking to him because the signal is so bad that I have to have him repeat what he said several times. Today was nice because the signal was good so we could actually have a conversation. I told him how our puppy is being destructive again from the reports I got from the pet sitter. I think she just misses both of us. I told him how I can't wait to get home and see her again to which he responded that it wasn't fair. He misses his babies too which I think is so adorable. I do miss his help with disciplining the puppy since I am the "nice one" it is hard for me to be mean sometimes. Today I was talking with my girlfriends on the way back home and one of them asked me if I think Adam is the one. I told her yes because he is the best friend that I have ever had and he knows me. I know all of his secrets and he knows all of mine. We read each others minds and are so silly that we always have a good time together. It made me miss him more and I hope more than anything that I will get to see him soon.

Concert

So my credential program is officially over, but I am planning on going back on Monday for my class's promotion ceremony. Tonight Jess and I went to a country concert up in Oceanside. It had a variety of artists and I had a good time. However, what I noticed the most were all the couples. Seeing them together just made me miss Adam. Adam and I have only gotten to spend one summer together and it was when we first met. We spent the summer in my apartment in Pacific Beach. Looking back on that time are some of my fondest memories and sometimes I ask myself why. I think it's because we haven't gotten to make new summer memories together. This year we were supposed to go backpacking, camping, more surfing, concerts, etc. Thats not going to happen now so I have to hold on to my old memories while I wait for a time where we can make new ones. I can't wait to take him to a country concert, I'll make him wear a cowboy hat and everything! What I can't wait for the most is wrapping up in his arms when it gets cold in the evening and just being close. The problem with country concerts is that there are so many love songs that you just want your man there now. I know it will happen soon I just with I could make him come home now!

Communication

Waking of this morning I felt sad right away because I remembered that I wouldn't get to talk to Adam today. He is in the field for a gun shoot and wasn't going to bring his phone because it is supposed to rain. Today should be so exciting because I have three days left with my fifth graders but I am sad instead. I check myself, make sure to hold my tears in and go on with getting dressed for the day....

Apart Again

First, let me tell you the story of Adam of I. We met unbelievably on craigslist of all places. He had posted in the platonic section looking for a cuddle buddy. At that time in my life I had just had a huge fight with a close friend while all my other local friends were leaving the area and the current guy in my life had no time for me. I felt alone and was not too happy with life. Adam was there for me and didn't even know me. We met on the boardwalk one night and haven't been apart since...except for deployment. Adam was deployed to Kuwait last year from May until November. I missed him but things weren't so bad. I moved home with my family which helped tremendously and time flew by and he was home again. We had to get all settled again down here in San Diego, found a place to live, moved the cat in, got a puppy. I started school this January for my teaching credential and am just about finished. Things were going well until Adam was temporarily loaned out to a unit on the east coast that will be deployed to Iraq this fall. He had to leave at the beginning of June to go back east to start training. I of course could not go with him since I am finishing up school and have our life here to take care of. It is frustrating being the one left behind, continuing with the life you share while the other is off having new adventures. Some days I feel like I am just trying to survive, feed the pets, try to clean something, maybe get some sleep. Even though he is just on the east coast I feel Adam's being away deeper this time. Some days I feel like I am losing my mind and just crave a hug from him. He's not just my boyfriend but he is my best friend too and having him away is just a lonely business. Well that is all for tonight.